So a few months ago I wrote a blog that was equally the easiest and hardest thing I’ve ever written. It was easy because it came from the heart, it was about me and my experiences. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever written also because it was about me, and I was exposing myself and my thoughts and feelings to everyone. I was unsure if I would ever publish the blog, but the more I thought about it and the more I read over it, I loved it, and wanted to share it. So I did. And what happened? What reaction did I get? Nothing! That’s right, absolutely nothing. No walls came crashing in upon me, no bombs went off and no one died. Nothing bad at all happened. My fears about writing about myself and my own experiences went out the window, because nothing happened. In fact, no one said anything, good or bad! There was no “great read”, “loved it”, “thanks for being so open”. There was not even a recognition from those friends or family members that may have read it. So maybe they didn’t read it after all, and just said they did! Or maybe they don’t actually give a shit, or they think I’m full of shit and wish I’d just shut up!! Either way, nothing happened. Moral to this story, don’t let the fear of expectations stop you from doing something, because most of the time, people don’t give a shit what you do.
I’ve been trying to come up with blog content for the last few weeks now, but everything I start to write just doesn’t feel right. I get distracted, have lost interest and haven’t been passionate about any of it. So I’ve decided to turn my hand to penning another blog that’s straight from the heart, no research needed! I’ve been thinking a lot lately about expectations and what I really want. It’s something that’s come up a few times recently, at work, in my personal life, and in my struggles with anxiety. Why is it that we place so much pressure on ourselves to achieve so much? It’s like we’re programmed to not be satisfied and grateful for what we’ve got. Constantly comparing ourselves to other women, friends and family members who are at different stages in life. There’s an urge to feel like we’ve achieved greatness, like we’re going to make the world a better place by doing something spectacular. Why can’t we just be grateful for what we have here and now? Take a moment to think about all the wonderful things you have in life at this very moment and just smile.
Earlier this year I learnt the importance of taking time for myself with a breath and a pause. Its helped me immensely! At any point during the day when things start to get overwhelming, it gets crazy busy at work, you feel like there’s not enough hours in the day to get things done. Just stop. Take a moment for yourself, and breath. Big belly breaths. And when you let it out, just smile. So simple and so effective, you can feel the tension in your body begin to release immediately. It’s something that I do every day, and it truly works wonders. Taking time for yourself doesn’t have to be any sort of grand event. Something simple like half an hour to read a book, listen to some tunes, have a coffee in the sunshine, exercise, write about your feeling and thoughts, or a quiet vino on the terrace after a long day at the office. It’s important that we do these things for ourselves to ensure we have good health and happy minds.
On my own personal journey of self-discovery this year I’ve learnt a lot about myself, and what I need. I’ve come to accept that those hopes and dreams I had at fifteen are probably not going to happen, but that’s okay. Because now in my early thirties, I have a whole new set of hopes and dreams that actually sound a lot more appealing! No longer are they things like being famous, being filthy rich, and having a drop dead gorgeous husband, a mansion, and my own business. Now its things like good health, simple happiness and fabulous friendships that are the dream. It’s about being grateful for what I have now, appreciation for the amazing people in my life and trying my hardest to stay in a positive state of mind. I know it all sounds a bit cliché and like a lot of bullshit, but it is real. It’s these things in life and not the expectations I had on myself half a lifetime ago that are important.
And getting back to expectations … Fuck ‘em!! Placing expectations on someone or something is the biggest waste of emotional time and wellbeing you could have. So stop doing it! Stop listening to what other people think you should or should not be doing. Live your life the way you want to live it. Yes there is a time and place when expectations are appropriate, like task based performance at work, or when purchasing a product or service, but not placed on your personal self by someone else. If you’ve got people in your life who are constantly doing this to you, then I’m sorry but tell them to fuck off! You’re better off without them. And stop being so hard on yourself. It doesn’t make things any easier, it only makes you feel worse. Lighten up a little bit, have some fun, don’t stress if you don’t get the floor moped this week, you can do it next week instead. The world is not going to end if you cut yourself some slack. Remember that vino on the terrace, go have one now!
Being the age I currently am, and I’m proud to say that’s thirty two, I have none of the things in my life that society expected of me. I have no husband, no partner even (but I may have a cheeky lover!). I have no kids, no dogs, but I do have a stylish goldfish called Gwendolyn! I have no mortgage, I rent. But I also have no debt, which is a plus! I didn’t expect that my life would be in this place at this time, but here I am. And I’ve accepted it. Finally!! I genuinely do not care what others think of me now. You don’t like my style, my sass, my “get the fuck out of my way” attitude. That’s your problem. You can accept me for who I am, or you can move on. Don’t judge me, or anybody else, for the way they chose to live their life. Just accept them for who they are. We as women need to start supporting each other instead of tearing each other down. Don’t scoff at another woman’s success. Don’t put her down because you think she should be doing something else. Don’t make excuses. And stop whinging! Stop bitching as well! Do not judge someone else until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Great advice from whoever came up with that quote!
So where to from here? I have absolutely no idea. But here’s a few things I do know. It’s time to accept. It’s time to be brave. It’s time to be bold and go after what I want. It’s time to start sharing my struggles and let people in. It’s okay to ask for help. In fact, it’s the best thing you can ever do for yourself. We can’t be Superwoman ever day!! It’s okay to speak my mind. And it’s more than okay to live my life the way I chose to. If I want to spend $1600 on a pair of Jimmy Choo’s, you better believe I’m going to! Life is what you make of it. So make it a damn good one. We only get one shot, and it’s way too short! So live a fuck yes life! Always dress like it’s the best day of your life. Be a flamingo in a flock of pigeons. Love like you’ve never been hurt before, and know that it’s okay to be a glowstick. Sometimes we have to break before we shine!
Love Always, Anastacia Rose xx
One thought on “Expectations … Fuck ‘em!!”
Brilliant. I totally get this. The vulnerability of putting my feelings on line. I’ve had no negative reactions and my spam filter has loads of blocked words. None of my family know I have a blog. Only three people I know, know what it’s called. I figure if people around me really wanted to find it, they could/would. It’s easier to write as if ‘my mother won’t read it’ anyway.